“The time is always right to do what is right.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thinking about what we can do to help our young people be successful oftentimes go beyond academics and careers. In my opinion the most important lesson that we initially need to teach our youth are the basics of being respectful and having a caring and compassionate attitude toward others. They need to learn that what they do and say to others can have a significant impact on that person. The reason I wanted to touch on this subject as my first post for 2019, is that in December 2018 I became aware of an incident that happened in my birth state ( not far from where I was born and raised) that took me by surprise and greatly saddened me. The incident that I am referring to is that of a 9-year old elementary student who committed suicide by hanging herself at home. I was so surprised because it happened in a small farming community where attitudes use to be that everybody knews each other and looked out for each other. According to news reports, her parents stated that the contributing factor that drove their daughter to do such a thing was that she was being bullied by other students at her elementary school. If true, then this is a prime example of why it is important for parents and/or adults to teach children, as well as realize for themselves, how words and actions can have a devastating affect on another person. Sometimes children and adults may say or do things toward another because of particular biases or simply to generate a laugh, however, they may not realize the harm they are causing to the individual being targeted.

In my opinion, having one child end their life because of bullying is one child too many. That is why I wanted to take a look at bullying to give some understanding of what it is and also how we as parents and adults can help our children and try to keep them safe.

To do some research on this subject, I referenced the website stopbullying.gov. This website is created and maintained by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. It defines bullying as an unwanted aggressive behavior that carries with it an Imbalance of Power, either real or perceived. That power can be demonstrated through physically aggressive behavior (such as hitting, kicking, pushing, pinching, spitting , etc.). It can also take the form of verbal and social aggression (such as teasing, name-calling, inappropriate sexual comments, threatening to harm someone, spreading rumors, leaving someone out on purpose, convincing others not to be friends with someone, etc.)

Along with the imbalance of power, bullying also carries the element of Repetition, which means that it happens more than once or has the potential of happening more than once.

Another form of bullying that is getting added attention today is that of cyberbullying, which is bullying that takes place over digital devices such as cell phones, computers and tablets. Some of the mediums people use to commit cyberbulling is facebook, twitter, snapchat, text message, email, etc. In cyberbullying a person may be sending and sharing negative, harmful or false information about another person.

Bullying usually happens out of the eyesight of adults and can occur on school playgrounds, inside classrooms, in hallways, in stairwells, in the cafeteria, on school buses, in bathrooms and locker rooms, in neighborhoods, etc. According to data provided by the National Center for Educational Statistics (2016) more than 1 out of every 5 students (20.8%) report that they had been bullied.

As parents and adults what this should make us aware of is that we need to be more vigilant in what we are teaching or not teaching our children about consideration for others.

Bullying is all about the decision a person makes about how they choose to treat another person. We need to teach our children how to make the right decision in regards to that always stressing the old adage that we always want to “treat others the way we want to be treated”.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “preventing and stopping bullying involves a commitment to creating a safe environment where children can thrive socially and academically without being afraid. Some of the suggestions they give to help parents and school personnel to achieve that are as follows:

1. Since most children are hesitant to let an adult know what is happening to them then parents, teachers and school personnel should emphasize to a child that telling an adult is not tattling.
2. When teachers observe bullying in the classroom, they should immediately intervene to stop it, make sure they record the incident  and report it to the appropriate school administrator so it can be dealt with.
3. Parents need to be attentive to changes in their child’s behavior which might signal that they are having difficulties.  Some of the signs may include their hesitation about going to school, changes in appetite, crying, general depression or anxiety, nightmares, ripped clothing, etc.
4. As parents, if your child tells you they are being bullied, then believe them and report it to the appropriate school authority and legal authority (if the situation warrant it)
5. As parents you can practice different scenarios with your child to teach them methods for dealing with bullies, such as ignoring them and learning how to walk away.
6. As parents you want to build confidence in your child as well so they know that who they are is not predicated on what others want to think of them as.

Helping our children so that they do not become bullies is equally as important as protecting them from being bullied.  We need to realize that children mostly learn behavior from their parents/caregiver/adults.  That’s why it is extremely important that parents and adults model positive examples of behavior to children.  Through your interaction with others, show them how to be considerate, kind, caring and compassionate individuals toward others.  Educate them about bullying so they are aware of how certain behavior may be hurtful and harmful to others. Also keep in mind that what children are expose to on social media, via video games, on TV/movies, etc. may also play a major role in affecting and shaping their personalities. That is why you have to decide how much exposure to these outside influences you will allow your child to have and set those limitations.

For all of us our goal should be that we want our youth to succeed in personal development, academics and career.

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